Shrek! The Musical

Without really expecting much, I attended the matinee performance of Shrek the musical at the Theatre Royal in Drury Lane earlier today. The last time I had visited that theatre, it was hosting Lord of the Rings the musical - so you can already understand the drastic change that awaited me. From the mythical, magical, Tolkien tale, the foyer was now littered with small children and jumpers with donkey ears. A tacky, giant 'S' was lit up and shimmering and sweets were being bought in abundance. However, I walked up the peasant stairs to my balcony seat and sat down behind two small brothers and opposite a row of Brownies. Praying to God there would be enough sexual innuendoes to get me through what I suspected was to be an incredibly child-aimed production. No more giant spiders or schizophrenic gymnasts (Golem), instead, the curtain came up to an enormous book store, where a book opened to read "Once Upon A Time..." and reveal Shrek (Nigel Lindsay) who instantly received a tumultuous applause, having done...nothing.

I'm going to take the time to point out that at this moment I realised I wasn't in the right frame of mind. Similarly, when one is watching a Disney film or..most things starring Nicholas Cage, one has to sit down in the right mood - ready to accept whatever cheesy shit the film is going to throw at you. So, I groaned, then chilled out a bit and tried to accept what was in front of me, ignoring the stream of words running through my head: "this is a pantomime...a very expensive...well staged...pantomime...".

Unfortunately I then realised who Shrek was. The week before this performance, I had watched  Chris Morris's black comedy film, Four Lions, where Nigel Lindsay plays Barry, who is, for want of a better description...a mouthy dick. So to see him in green, spraying his armpits with skunk for a laugh was a little bit of a mind fuck. 

Nonetheless, the performance began and was fairly disappointing. Shrek himself was uncharismatic, dull and a weak performer, the plot was rushed and the lines hurried. Despite the raving reviews, Nigel Harman as Lord Farquaad seemed tired and almost struggling - I realise the poor man is over 40 and spends 8 nights a week dancing on his knees, however to be incredibly snobby, it is his job and he did choose to do it so should therefore deliver to his paying audience. Having not seen him before in this role, I can only assume he was having an off day. Unfortunately I imagine every day for Donkey (Richard Blackwood) is an off day. The character was introduced by falling from the sky (...brilliant) ,then tried so very hard to be funny throughout, but painfully failed again and again. I accept that he probably didn't want to imitate Eddie Murphy's performance from the Dreamworks film, which is fair enough, so instead tried to make the role his own. However, what with having no comic timing, understanding of subtlety or line delivery, I almost wished he would just say the lines like the funny black man did in the pwetty cartoon film. Working with puppets and doubles meant that sometimes particular scenes were out of sync. For example, the Gingerbread Man was being tortured (a hilarious, memorable scene from the film - rushed and ruined on stage) the victim squealed with pain...and then a guard hit him with a rolling pin...Simple timing like this makes all the difference, and just seemed to drop the (already lacking) energy and enthusiasm from the show. There were also two Princess Fiona's stumbling across the stage at the same time near the end. Bad timing. 

Wonderfully entertaining

Cross Dressing Wolves!

Now, I love fairy tales, which is why I suppose the production, for me, was saved by its ensemble. Each member of the ensemble had their own fairy tale character, from The Three Bears, to Peter Pan, they were an absolute delight. All, clearly, incredibly strong musical theatre performers; the singing was astounding, the dancing a joy to watch, and the enthusiasm from the dialogue lifted the performance from the swamp where it began (lol). Each character had their own little quirks which they retained during their dances and undoubtedly had the most well thought out and comical lines, taking influence from the fairy tales they were based on. 

Throughout the duration of the performance, there were small homages to other productions. One of the best, in my opinion, being the copied choreography of the final few bars to Les Miserable's 'One Day More'. The fairy tale ensemble formed a marching triangle at the back of the stage and waved a deformed flag bearing a 'freaky' Young Cosette logo. It was moments like this that rescued the performance. 

But just as a side thought - in a similar way to the Star Wars prequels, which relies on stolen imagery from the original films -  if something has to borrow material from  previous productions to make it good...what does that say about the piece itself. 

Another saviour was the beautiful performance of Alice Fearn as Princess Fiona. The character itself is already marvellous - a modern, almost bi-polar take on the traditional fairy tale princess, and being able to add strong, gorgeous songs to those foundations only makes it better. 

I'm incredibly glad we had the understudy to Amanda Holden instead of the 'actress' herself, having seen her performance as Fiona on Britain's Got Talent...

Alice Fearn played the Princess with the perfect balance of elegance, charm and anger. Feisty and frightening when need be, her performance was...well, magical. 

The character of the Dragon, appearing in three different forms, was underused. I realise it doesn't have a particularly large part in the film, but it still appears more than on stage. The Dragon puppet was...big-ish...pink...it had eyelashes. My point is, it was fairly mediocre and unimaginative as puppets go. With about 5 people manning it, and a singer off stage voicing it, it entered, sang a song, then left again. Whilst being on stage, all it did was run round in circles. Considering the amazing puppetry seen on stage nowadays - from smart, parody in the form of Avenue Q, to emotive, genius in War Horse, it just seems a shame that they copped out on what could have been an interesting and fabulous depiction of the dragon. How often do you get a dragon in musicals! Even Lord of the Rings didn't have one of those. 

Boring? 

Even now, whilst i'm writing I realise I keep forgetting...it's aimed at children. Therefore it can't be too scary, and it's still got to look recognisable as the dragon from the film. But just think if someone really creative had been made chief Dragon co-ordinator what it could have been or done. 

The reason many people walk away from this show with a song in their heart and a smile on their face, telling everyone they meet to 'go see Shrek! It's a perfect family friendly show for children and adults alike!' Is because of the ending. From the Wedding scene onwards, the show finally becomes a fun, West End performance. The cheese is just right, the stage magic is timed to perfection, the ensemble are there and they all live happily ever after. You do get into it at the end, even if you're a grumpy bugger, which is something all musicals should be able to achieve (whether the reaction is to cry, smile, laugh, melt - the ending should make it happen for everyone). It's just such a shame that the journey up until then had been so drawn out and dull. Admittedly there were highlights (Princess Fiona tap dancing with a bunch of mice, definitely up there), but the whole show should be a highlight. Especially if it's something as "fun, upbeat and family friendly" as Shrek. 

Then again making a reference to the size of your penis isn't really appealing to children and adults alike. It's making one joke that people over the age of about 13 will get. I think it only really appeals to 'adults alike' if those adults have children under the age of 10 and are used to vulgar, cheesy humour, where burping is hilarious. But as my friend pointed out - it is Shrek. You get what you pay for. Nonetheless the film seemed much more adult friendly. 

Because it's aimed at children, this means you'll be surrounded by them. I am a theatre snob, I admit, and when I used to go and see shows, I would be taken to Les Miserables, and sit very neatly in my smartest dress and completely miss all of the prostitute and sex references. It was literally when I went to see it again last February, now 19 that I cottoned onto the fact that the 'Lovely Ladies' where in fact Lovely Ladies of the Night. But I had a wonderful time! It was exciting, getting on the train, sitting beside adults, watching these marvellously talented people perform, and at the same time, staying up very late (way past my bedtime. WIN!) However nowadays (at the risk of sounding like an old woman) they sit there, slouching, their feet up on their chair, phones in hand if they're spoilt enough to have one, munching on whatever mummy has given them to stay quiet throughout the show and complaining loudly every now and then. Or if they're not doing that, they're standing up and moving around or being lifted by daddy to get a better view, and at the same time, blocking yours. URGH. Okay, rant over.  

Yes, of course, more children should go to the theatre, get their interest in the arts UP, so when all the old people die, we have replacements to fill the seats who aren't all millionaires with hours of free time (I joke.) But please, just...tie them to their seats and gag them or something. I realise the joy of the theatre is the atmosphere and sharing this live experience with those around you, but it's hard to enjoy it when darling 'Billy' is  crunching pringles in your ear and claiming he's bored and not actually taking in anything in front of him.

Despite all of this however, it is a delight to see young people enjoying theatre, and I guess, even if most of it wasn't especially for me, it did entertain the under 10 year olds. Most of the children around me behaved themselves, laughed and gasped at all the right moments and seemed to have a genuinely good time, which is what theatre is all about. 

Fairly disappointing. A few highlights and strong performances. A good ending. Some amazing costumes.